Tuesday, December 13, 2011

"Space Gold" Wedding Rings

Ok, so I'm a total geek and even I think is a ridiculous waste of money.  There is a company called Space Wed that is selling wedding bands make of "space gold!"  Now, if it were gold discovered on some distant exoplanet, or mined from a passing comet, that would be pretty cool.  Their "space gold" is just regular old Earth gold shot up in a sub-orbital flight for about 15 minutes.




The rings go for $17,000 per pair and they will only be making 50 pairs total.  I suppose that's somewhat fair since it's going to be such a limited production, but if I were going to spend that kind of money on wedding rings I'd put the cash into the diamond and save up to send myself into space!


If you'd like to get your hands on some "space gold," check out the link below.


[SpaceWed via Gizmodo]

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Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, please visit our website and find out what we can do for you.

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Monday, December 5, 2011


So VERY excited to announce that Skip Kelly Productions has been named the official Music Director and DJ for this year's Jacksonville Fashion Week!  I'll be working with all the designers to craft the perfect runway soundtrack for their show, as well as planning all the music for the parties and events both before and after!  Best of all, I'll be there spinning live alongside the runway as it happens!

I was able to go to one night of Jacksonville Fashion Week last year and was really impressed.  Jacksonville absolutely needs more events like this.  From what I hear, (but can't tell) this year's event is going be much bigger and even more dazzling!  That's not even blog-hype, the things they are planning and even the venue are going to be top-notch.

I'm honored and truly thrilled to be involved this year!


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Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, please visit our website and find out what we can do for you.

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

10 Ways To Fix Your Wedding Before Things Go Wrong

No matter how well prepared the bride may be, no matter how experienced and talented the wedding planner might be, things still go wrong at weddings.  I found this great post on HuffPost Weddings discussing a few steps you might want to take to ensure your wedding runs smoothy.


Some of the suggestions are a little more obvious, such as choosing a flattering bridesmaid's dress or telling your DJ what NOT to play.  (I actually have a section in my contract for "un-requests").  Others were a little more insightful like visiting your florist the day before to check on your flowers.


Either way, it was a good read that I felt deserved to be passed on, so click here to read 10 Ways To Fix Your Wedding Before Things Go Wrong


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Monday, October 24, 2011

Vera Wang Debuts Black Wedding Dresses

On Sunday 10/16, Vera Wang debuted her new Fall 2012 bridal collection and it featured some new wedding dresses IN BLACK!  Obviously not a traditional bridal look, but I think the dresses look great.  Any thoughts?  Would you ever consider wearing a black or other non-traditional color wedding dress?






As of right now the collection isn't available on Vera Wang's official website, but you can take a look at some of the dresses from the fashion show here.


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Friday, October 14, 2011

Save by planning your wedding the way you plan your travel!

Here's an interesting idea from wedding planning site getmarried.com:  if your wedding is on a tight budget, why not plan your venue the way you would try to book airline tickets?  When you try to book flights online, have you ever noticed that you might get a better price if you fly out of a nearby airport instead of the one closest to you?  The same may be true when planning your wedding!



According to national wedding budget information compiled by Get Married Media, West Virginia ($6,935), Oregon ($7,697), Utah ($7,852) and Montana ($8,059) rank tops with brides looking to save while Washington D.C. ($21,858) and Northern New Jersey ($21,247) brides spend more.


The priciest area topped out at a whopping ($24,700) New York City. Other expensive regions include the U.S Virgin Islands ($20,917) and Hawaii ($17,488).



"Obviously, cost of living plays a huge role in couples' wedding budgets," says Karina Timmel, editor-in-chief of Get Married magazine. "In this weakened economy, it really pays to research and think not only outside-the-box, but possibly outside your immediate vicinity."


So how can you cut corners and still have the wedding of your dreams? Timmel suggests staging a mini destination wedding by picking an area, state or region that's close enough for guests to travel to easily, but still far enough way that you stay on budget. "New York City is a great example. With easy access to highways and mass transit, you and your guests can make a quick trip to Philly or venture further upstate to enjoy the rustic charms of Woodstock, both of which will cost about half of what you would normally pay if you chose to get married within the New York City metro area."


Other budget-saving suggestions include picking a wedding date that's off-season for your region, buying flowers and food that are native to your location, purchasing big-ticket items like your wedding dress outside city or state lines, and having your ceremony and reception at the same venue if you have your heart set on saying "I do" in a pricier area.




Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Friday, October 7, 2011

7 Geeky Wedding Pictures


So, I know that I just posted a story about a geeky wedding a few weeks ago, but it appears the internet has my back and another story about geek-themed weddings popped up.  Naturally this set off all kind of flags and alarms on my computer as anything geeky generally rises to the top of my reading list.

This post from the Mental Floss Blog features a few funny geek wedding pics, the Battlestar Galactica one above being my favorite.  The zombie engagement shoot that stormed the web a few months back is featured as well, and if you haven't seen those pictures yet, you really need to take a look.  The link will take you to the full series of photos from the original post.  So funny.

Hope you enjoy!

Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

50 Stunning Wedding Invitations



The folks over at ucreative.com have put together a great collection of very creative wedding invitations.  If there's one thing I appreciate in life more than anything it's seeing someone do something different for a change. I like traditions, I'm all about preserving the past, but what really tickles me in life is when someone shows me something I've never seen before.




If you're at the stage where you're out shopping for vendors and haven't decided on the style of your wedding invitations, have a quick scroll down this collection of creative ideas!


...and of course, if you haven't hired your wedding DJ yet...


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Gorgeous Geek Wedding!





I am a total geek.  I'm not ashamed.  I love techie stuff, scifi and videogames.  I can build computers from spare parts - really!  So when I saw this post about Dorian and Lynn's wedding at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County, it definitely activated my nerdy Spidey sense.


Among the geek-chic items featured at the wedding were a Millennium Falcon cake, Vader cuff links, the Jurassic Park backdrop of the museum, a rowdy "So Say We All" BSG show of support from the guests and even a special appearance by Boba Fett himself!


Check the photos at io9.com - and take a look at that kick-ass movie poster/wedding invite!


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Top 10 Wedding Music Myths

The Knot is always an excellent resource for all things wedding and this article is no exception.  If you're debating between a DJ and a band, or if you're just looking for some general guidance, this top 10 list might help!

Myth #1: A DJ will talk too much.

You've probably heard about (or been to) weddings where a DJ, in a misguided attempt to emcee, talked more than he spun, with cringe-worthy results. But an experienced wedding DJ will only speak when it's appropriate. "Every time a DJ speaks, he should have something important to say, which you and he planned in advance," says DJ Dr. Drax, National President and Executive Director of the American Disc Jockey Association. To ensure that your DJ doesn't abuse his proximity to the mic, be specific about when you want him to talk and when you don't. If you're nervous that yours is a chatterbox, consider sending an example of what you find inappropriate. "You can find a litany of bad DJ videos on YouTube," says Dr. Drax. But handle with care so as to not offend.

Myth #2: Bands take a lot of breaks.

One common concern about hiring a band is that each 40-45 minute set they play will be followed by a 15-20 minute break filled with music from a compilation CD -- and that bored guests will vacate the dance floor. But you can manage your band's need for downtime so that it doesn't disrupt the party too much. Ask the band members to stagger their breaks so there's live music throughout the night (it may cost an extra fee); guests will stay entertained and the dance floor will stay full.

Myth #3: A DJ will play cheesy tunes.

Worried that your DJ has his mind set on "Y.M.C.A." and the Electric Slide, when you're thinking more along the lines of "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Unforgettable"? It doesn't have to be that way -- your DJ wants to play what you want to hear, but you have to communicate your tastes clearly. Don't rely on words alone, since terms like "dance music," "rock," and "slow songs" are vague and can easily be misinterpreted. To make sure you are on the same music style page, give him a playlist and a do-not-play list. "Brides and grooms should be able to customize the playlist," says Dr. Drax. "People today have grown up with choice and personalization, and good DJs understand that."

Myth #4: You can control everything.

One caveat to the last idea: You can give your DJ a mile-long playlist, but you shouldn't try to micromanage the music. To some extent, your lists should be guidelines for the mix master, not hard-and-fast rules. Your DJ should know the genre you're interested in, but let him choose the best way to mix the music -- after all, it's his job to keep people on the dance floor. Give your band some flexibility to react to the crowd and adjust the tempo accordingly. "When you hire somebody to bake a cake, you can tell them what flavors to use, but you don't try to tell them how much flour or what kind of sugar to put in," says Dr. Drax. "It's the same with DJs -- you need to trust that they know what to do."

Myth #5: Bands love line dances.

The days when it was de rigueur for a wedding band to encourage a conga line are over. But if you're worried about that kind of thing, be sure to see the band in action before you sign on. Ask for a DVD of a previous performance to get a sense of how they interact with the crowd. You should also try to see them live. But you can't crash somebody else's wedding -- find out if you can drop by to watch them play at another type of event. Just keep in mind that you can't alter a band's style as easily as you can tweak a DJ's. If their live act is rambunctious and interactive (complete with line dances), then asking them to change might hamper their performance, and you're probably better off going with a different group.

Myth #6: A band can't offer enough variety.

You'd be surprised by the musical depth a quality wedding band can offer. One indication that a band has versatility is if they have more than one singer -- if they have both male and female vocalists, for example, chances are they're open to a wider range of songs. Though a band may specialize in a style (like big band or soul), they're professional musicians and should be able to stray at least a little from their niche. And if a few of the songs you have your heart set on aren't in the band's repertoire, simply ask them to learn the songs before your wedding -- most bands will learn between three and five songs if you give them enough notice.

Myth #7: A DJ will save you money.

Although a DJ almost always costs less than a band, that doesn't mean you should cheap out on this vendor. "If you're willing to pay for a top-notch DJ, you can get way more than somebody to play songs," says Dr. Drax. "A great DJ will talk to your photographer and tell him which songs are coming next. Photographers capture the Kodak moments; it is the DJ's job to create the opportunity for them to occur." Dr. Drax knows a DJ who got a tape of the groom singing "You are My Sunshine" to his mom as a little boy and created a custom mix, bringing tears to everyone in the room during the mother-son dance. On the other hand: "I heard a story about an inexperienced DJ announcing a father-daughter dance, unaware that the bride's father had passed away," says Dr. Drax. Although the old adage "you get what you pay for" isn't always true, when it comes to your music it's certainly advice to consider.

Myth #8: Hiring a bar band is a good idea.

Unless they also have a lot of experience with weddings, using a band or DJ that's oriented primarily with nightclubs is risky, since they won't be adept at pleasing a diverse crowd. "It's much smarter to find somebody who has experience in wedding entertainment," says Dr. Drax. "If your wedding will be mostly your college frat buddies, then maybe your favorite campus band will be great." He's quick to point out though, that if you're inviting coworkers, grandparents, and children, the entertainment should offer something for everyone.

Myth #9: You have to hire a DJ or band -- you can't have both.

If you can afford it, you can have the best of both forms of entertainment. Either hire a DJ to spin while the band is on break (and to be your emcee), or divide the evening into two portions. Another option is to hire a band for your reception and a DJ to spin at the after-party. Or, if you can't spring for a whole band, see about combining just a few live musicians with a DJ. Some companies create packages where, for example, the musicians will play for the ceremony and during cocktail hour, then complement the DJ during the dancing, by adding percussion to a hot Latin set.

Myth #10: Slow songs first, followed by faster tunes after the cake-cutting.

Some couples request that their entertainers play '50s rock or big band-style songs early on to please their older guests, and then switch over to more lively beats so the younger crowd can dominate the floor until last call. But it can be more fun for you and your guests if you have your band or DJ mix it up throughout the night. Alternating between speeds, styles, and eras of music will keep wedding guests of all ages more engaged and encourage them to broaden the range of music they'll boogie to, with truly memorable results.
Special thanks to Robyn Goldberg Weddings & Special Events; Marc Jason, founder, president, and CEO of Total Entertainment.
Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Bridesmaid attends wedding... via iPad

Pretty cool story from the Today Show, but the video is the best part.  A Denver woman agreed to let her friend be a bridesmaid years ago, but the friend couldn't physically be there on the big day.  What's the next best thing?  An iPad with Facetime!  One of the groomsmen walked down the aisle with the iPad as his partner, and the streaming friend was passed around the event all night.  Gotta love technology.


"Renee called dibs to be my bridesmaid many many moons ago and unfortunately she couldn't physically make it out here but thank you, technology," says Jamie, on the YouTube video, holding up a white iPad that framed her friend's face. "Here is Renee. She got to see the whole ceremony, she got to meet everyone and be here for the reception."





Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Surprise wedding goes surprisingly well

I found this video/story when flipping around the internet.  The video is great, definitely worth the 9 minutes.




(CBS/What's Trending) - A surprise wedding generally seems like a bad idea for a multitude of reasons. It might come off as creepy, the one being surprised might say no, one person gets no say in the wedding and you can't pick out your dress. Somehow, however, Shawn of Windsor, Ontario, Canada pulled off a surprise wedding for his wife née fiancé Colleen, and it all went according to plan.


Colleen was under the impression that she is going to a retirement party, but instead Shawn has set up an entire wedding complete with 200 of her closest family and friends waiting for her. All she has to do is say yes, and everything she has ever wanted in a wedding is available. Shawn has listened to her talk about her dream wedding and snuck in questions ranging from who he ideal bridesmaids would be to what centerpieces she wanted to create her perfect day. And, because he didn't know what Colleen would need, Shawn brought everything from her bedroom -- dressers and all -- to the site so she could get ready.


This video is an anomaly: It is both touching and astounding how it worked out. Shawn is so earnest, and Colleen seems legitimately happy about the whole thing. Hopefully surprise weddings aren't the next flash mob because we can see some of these surprises not so well.


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Thursday, August 11, 2011

How to pick the perfect wedding DJ

I've been looking for a good, definitive guide to help brides come to a decision on choosing a DJ for their wedding.  Not just because I want them to hire me, (which I do) but also to help people understand the different levels of service that are available out there.  There are some great DJs in business, but there are also some really, really bad ones!


If you're getting into the process of trying to find a wedding DJ, give this article from The Flirty Blog a read.  It's long, but well written and full of good info!


"How Much Should Your Wedding DJ Cost?" - The Flirty Blog


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ, find out what we can do for you.

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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Getting Married By a Computer


One of my favorite blogs (because I'm a geek and proud), is Gizmodo.com.  I was flipping through posts the other day and came across this one about a bride and groom getting married by computer!  Naturally, I had to save that article to share here!
Source:  Gizmodo.com
Sweethearts Miguel Hanson and Diana Wesley got married yesterday. By a computer program Hanson programmed himself. Honestly, I don't even consider that a big deal. In fact, I want to get married this way.
The newlyweds said their vows in front of a friends and family as Hanson's parents' home in Houston. The officiant was a 30-inch monitor with a robot voice. There is nothing wrong with this. Weddings are expensive, so you can understand why eschewing a more lavish wedding is really attractive. Keeping things small is great—do you really want to deal with the Facebook invites? And having a self-programmed robot preside over the ceremony is the perfect way to seal the deal.
Think about it. A wedding pact is a sacred covenant between two people, as observed by those closest to them and by the whole community thereafter. You don't need a church to know that, even if you're not one to put much stock in the institution. Writing your vows is one thing. Programming the priest/reverend/whatever puts the whole thing in your hands. You and your betrothed can control the whole tone of the event, going with the more traditional understated joy of the occasion, or with a more farcical, tongue-in-cheek approach—totally my wedding—that still conveys the weight of your commitment. It's completely up to you.
Of course, the pact isn't legally binding until the new spouses see a justice of the peace and get their license. But still. The future! [NBC DFW]
Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ find out what we can do for you.

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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A wipe wedding: Mich. woman's toilet paper dress

Source:  Detroit Free Press


Chiffon. Satin. Toilet paper?


Susan Brennan has added four jumbo rolls of two-ply Charmin to her list of acceptable wedding dress materials.


The West Bloomfield woman won the $1,000 top prize in a national contest Thursday by making a wedding dress from toilet paper, packing tape and glue. The dress took Brennan about a week to finish.


The dress -- white, of course -- features flowers along the bottom and a pleated bodice. Toilet paper feathers help accent the dress, along with a bracelet. And there's even a hairpiece.


"I did techniques you could do with fabric. But instead of stitching them, I used tape and glue, a lot of tape and glue," said Brennan, 25. She called it a "modern, fun, little dress."


She noted that, in the event something were to be spilled on the dress -- perhaps a flute of champagne? -- "it's pretty absorbent."


Susan Bain, co-owner of Boca Raton, Fla.-based www.cheap-chic-weddings.com , said the dress stood out among about 800 entries in the Web site's seventh-annual toilet-paper wedding dress contest.


"She used a lot of elements in modern bridal dresses," Bain said. "She made elements of it that looked like couture dresses."


Bain also noted Brennan's craftsmanship, mentioning a tag on the inside of the dress that featured Brennan's initials, "SB," which also were made of toilet paper.


The dress likely won't be returned to Brennan. Bain said Ripley's Believe It or Not, a sponsor, may take the dress as it has for past contest winners to display in a Ripley's museum.


The idea for the contest is based on a similar event held at many bridal showers, Bain said.


Brennan, a Michigan State University graduate and former cheerleader living at home with her parents, said she hopes the exposure from the contest leads to a full-time job in a creative field. The wedding dress isn't Brennan's first foray into creative clothing design -- she once made a dress out of potato chip bags.


Contact Eric D. Lawrence: elawrence @freepress .com


Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ find out what we can do for you.

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Friday, July 1, 2011

Vera Wang Debuts Bridesmaid Collection For David's Bridal

Source: The Huffington Post


The much talked-about Vera Wang for David's Bridal bridesmaids dresses are finally here. Much to our delight (and slight surprise -- I mean, these are bridesmaids dresses), they are really lovely. And all priced between $150 and $250.


Wang managed to avoid most of the bridesmaid dress cliches, with nary a hot pink taffeta ruffle in sight. The silhouettes are all fairly simple and body-conscious, and we especially like the gorgeous navy one-strap gown (navy does look good on almost everyone, after all).


Check out three of the dresses below and go to DavidsBridal.com to see more of the delightfully non-ridiculous dresses.





Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ find out what we can do for you.

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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Best Examples of Wedding Videography

The writers over at DesignModo, a website dedicated to art & design posted a gallery of what they consider to be some of the best examples of wedding videography.  They posted about 17 HD videos with varying styles for you to look through.


If you're a bride-to-be or a videographer looking for a little inspiration, you should definitely check out their post!


Source:  DesignModo.com


 Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ find out what we can do for you.

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Monday, June 13, 2011

10 iPhone Apps for Planning the Perfect Wedding

By Jeana Lee Tahnk
Source:  Mashable


A cool article on Mashable.com that reviews 10 different wedding planning apps for the iPhone.  The list covers some obvious brand apps like one from The Knot, to more unique ideas like budget tracking and gift registry scanning directly from your phone.


"Back in the heyday, brides and grooms wielded their trusty notebooks and Excel spreadsheets with copious notes on vendor contact information, budget details, dates and reminders. But now, thanks to fancy smartphones and apps, everything you need can be found in one place — even in one app, in some cases."
Check out the source link above for the full article!


 Skip Kelly Productions is one of the most sought after entertainment companies in Jacksonville. From private parties to weddings and special events all over the city. Our team of expert lighting technicians and sound engineers can assist you in creating an event limited only by your wildest dreams.  If you are looking for a truly professional Jacksonville DJ, or Jacksonville Wedding DJ find out what we can do for you.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Weddings are the ultimate chick flicks.

This writer for the LA Times has a great take on what it's like to be guy at a wedding.  My favorite line is, "If sunflowers could smile, they'd be these bridesmaids."


By Chris Erskine
Los Angeles Times
Reprinted from The Seattle Times


Weddings are the ultimate chick flicks, and I don't mean that derisively. You see more women at weddings than men, and the women seem happier. When I hear the words "I do," I have the same reaction as if I were on fire — stop, drop and roll. Women, on the other hand, get all gooey over "I do." For women, they are the most powerful words. Along with "Amen" and "Oh, just charge it."


If you wanted men to attend your wedding, what I suggest you do — on the invitation, in big letters — is say OPEN BAR, and leave it at that. If there were to be a mechanical bull there, you'd mention that too. Men like mechanical bulls. My next wedding, I might have a mechanical bull. In fact, the whole thing might be hydraulic.


We attended a wedding the other evening, a splendid event, almost magical — like sunlight against raindrops.


The groom's uncle, an easygoing Mike Farrell type, conducted the ceremony. Were you a casting director looking for the perfect wedding referee, it would be this guy. His name was Mike. Uncle Mike. The things he said were spot-on, heartfelt, crafted like a sonnet.


Most weddings are too long, and you start wishing there were a halftime, or that someone would scream "Timeout!" so everyone could use the restroom.


Not this one. This one was the perfect length. I woke up just in time to see someone kissing someone else. It was a gauzy moment. Everybody seemed happy. People cheered.


"Huh, who scored?" I asked my wife, Posh.


"Matt did," she said, nodding toward the beaming groom.


My own wedding photo, which to this day I wear on a big honking medallion around my neck, features me and my gorgeous bride. She looks ecstatic and composed. I look like I'm being held up at gunpoint, eyes wide, hands out as if that's all I have, please-don't-shoot-me.


That was a special day. All weddings are special days.


At this one, the bride is right off the cover of a magazine. She is so ridiculously gorgeous, her father looks like he is about to burst. I counted 20 bridesmaids, then ran out of toes. Might've been 50, no one really knows. They were ridiculously pretty too. If sunflowers could smile, they'd be these bridesmaids.


Rain had threatened earlier in the day, and there was an arctic edge to the wind, but by game time, the skies were perfect for the outdoor ceremony.


This, I think, represents a sort of bride's luck, which is more powerful than nature itself. Certainly, some weddings go wrong, but bride's luck takes care of most ceremonies — covers them with a cone of protective good fortune.


There was an excellent reception as well. They bring out the cake, and I swear, it's in the shape of Louis XIV. There is a frosting of diamond dust surrounded by a silver-thread brocade that makes your eyeballs tingle and your wallet sweat.


Did I mention a most-excellent eight-piece band? There is that. If I were to be a wedding planner, I'd skip the pastor, the flowers, the cake; I'd hire an eight-piece band and that mechanical bull and be done with the whole thing. Salted peanuts in the shell would be a nice touch.


I know I'm cherry picking here, siphoning off the best parts of a wedding. But that's what I do — distill our experiences down to their core values.


There's a photo booth at this wedding too, and that only seems like trouble to me. As we left, a bunch of twentysomethings were preparing to climb into the photo booth together wearing weird, feathered, Broadway show hats. At least they were clothed.


I don't see a photo booth so much as making memories as compiling evidence that is bound to show up in court. Or worse, on Facebook. There is no decorum in America anymore. No sense of chivalry.


Speaking of chivalry, the little guy is here, and one of his luminous big sisters. Everyone looks very good this night, but I'm pretty sure the little guy is the only one wearing a clip-on tie and Scooby-Doo underwear.


My wife Posh used to have Scooby-Doo underwear, but that was back in her 20s, when underwear was more of an individual statement. Since then, she has not worn Scooby-Doo underwear. I think our wedding night was the last time, honestly.


"Guys don't really like weddings," the college kid standing next to me explains, which I think is before he realized there was a whole gaggle of Southern Methodist University girls in attendance. Because, basically, if y'all have SMU girls at a wedding, y'all have everything. A bunch of them cut in line in front of me at the bar, and I didn't even throw a punch. They looked like blond Christmas ornaments.


So, there you have it, the recipe for the perfect wedding: sensational food, good people, an eight-piece band, SMU girls and Scooby-Doo underwear.


Not too big, not too small. A beautiful bride, a handsome groom.


Hope somebody remembered pictures.


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